The Ultimate Wedding Speeches Guide
[Updated for 2022]
“It’s been an emotional day – even the cake is in tears.”
We’ve all been there, we’ve all heard those cheesy jokes made during the speeches. There’s nothing wrong with an easy laugh, but if you want to make your wedding speeches the best they can possibly be, this is your ultimate guide to make them one of the most memorable parts of your wedding.
In my years of filming weddings, we’ve seen the good, the bad and the ugly when it comes to wedding speeches. If you have seen any of my wedding videos, (like this one), you will know that they are a huge part in how I tell your story. So here is what I’ve learned.
How long should wedding speeches be?
A tricky question, some are short and sweet as some people aren’t naturally good public speakers, when others channel their inner Martin Luther King speech writing skills and have everyone in fits of laughter, in tears, and close it out with a beautiful toast.
From experience, I believe wedding speeches should be no more than 45 mins - 1 hour long. I find that any longer and guests are itching to get out of their seats and go to the bathroom or eat their dinner. When speeches tend to go on a bit long, the final speeches can be rushed and can end abruptly, not the best case scenario.
Should the all be at once?
What if you know your speeches will go on a bit? Well let’s solve that problem.
Speeches are often split up between courses. This is perfect if you know they will go over the hour mark, however, don’t overdo it by having a speech between every single course of the meal. This breaks the flow of enjoying a delicious meal.
I’ve seen that splitting them into two parts, one before the meal and one after works best. You will usually end up with two 30-40 minute sets of speeches which is much more enjoyable for you and your guests. It takes a certain amount of time for guests to get settled into the speeches, and on the flip side, you will lose their attention if they are too long.
You also want to keep your kitchen happy as lots of intermittent starting and stopping can disrupt their workflow and how to prepare your delicious meal.
Note:
Your venue may have restrictions on when the speeches take place and also have a time limit.
What order should the speeches be in?
The traditional format of speeches is:
Father of the bride
Father of the groom
Groom
Best man
However in this day and age, anything goes. I’ve seen speeches from brides, mothers, bridesmaids, groomsmen, old college friends, you name it! I say do you what works for you. This is an opportunity to be creative in who speaks at your wedding.
However, don’t force anyone to speak. Some people aren’t natural gifted public speakers and might be uncomfortable speaking, you can still include them in the day in another way. Ask the closest people to you who you know will be comfortable and confident in giving a great speech at your wedding.
Know your audience
You know your audience best. After all, you have invited them to your own wedding. You know if they are conservative or rowdy, whether they will love a sincere moment or a funny story better. Cater your speeches towards your audience.
If this means telling your speakers to keep it clean for their speech, do so. There’s nothing worse than them telling that story that you find hilarious, but to others comes across as rude or crass.
Keep it classy if needed.
Thing about where you speeches will take place
Keep it fitting with the type of wedding you are having. If your wedding is in an exclusive country house in a stunning relaxed setting, consider having them outdoors before heading into the dining hall. On a glorious summer, this is a great way to have a relaxed atmosphere for speeches as people sit around the lawn with a drink and enjoy your speeches.
Alternatively if it is a classy black-tie ballroom wedding, this may not work. Rather have your speakers address the room from a podium where everyone has a good view.
Top Tip:
Something we always aim to do on a wedding day is to capture your speeches in the most beautiful and natural way we can. We try to have each speaker stand in the one position where everyone has a good view of them, and also so they can see the bride and groom.
Finally, what should you say in a speech?…
Many will have never written a wedding speech before, and this could be your first time as well. You also may have fears of what some speakers might say. In that case it is totally acceptable to give them a template to write their speech, and also to warn them to leave out certain stories they may tell if necessary.
Father’s of the bride/ groom, will often tell stories of the daughter/ son growing up and then speak of their new son/ daughter in-law and welcome them to the family.
Bride’s and groom’s will usually thank relevant people during their speech and speak about their families/ bridal party. If you didn’t write your own vows for your ceremony, this is your perfect opportunity to gush about your new spouse of how much you love them and what they mean to you. This is a rare occasion where you will have the attention of all your friends and family so make sure to take it!
A simple template for a good speech:
Tell some stories relating to the bride or groom whether that be funny, heartwarming or sentimental.
Be sincere, congratulate bride and groom on their marriage
Insert a poem, or piece of literature if you like
Finish with a toast
Have a look at this video from Marlfield House for inspiration for what to write, or this one from Kilshane House! Or you if are looking for inspiration for your vows, check this one out from Trudder Lodge
Finally, and we can’t stress this enough, be yourself. If you are funny, be funny, if you are sincere, be sincere, and if you are emotional, be emotional. Don’t feel pressured to perform a certain style of speech, rather the best speeches are always the ones where people are confident in being themselves.
Bonus Tips:
A few bonus tips that may help when planning your speeches.
Appoint an MC. A groomsmen, a bridesmaid, someone to introduce each speaker
Speakers always go over time, so give them a time limit that is a little shorter
Practice your speech in advance
Always use a microphone, there will always be someone who can’t hear you
Enjoy them as they are over before you know it!